Interview conducted by Claire Vasseur, Slow Sex & Love Life. Hélène Garnier is an editorial composite based on interviews with somatic therapists. For editorial context, see our dossiers on slow sex and mindful sexuality.
What somatic therapy is — simply
Hélène, for someone who has never heard the term, how do you define your work?
I often say that I work with what the body knows but the mind hasn't yet understood. Classical psychotherapy starts from words, thoughts, narratives. I start from sensations, bodily responses, breath. Not because words don't matter — but because certain experiences were inscribed in the body before they could be spoken.
Peter Levine, who developed Somatic Experiencing, talks about "incomplete emergency responses" stored in the nervous system. A difficult experience triggered a physiological response — flee, fight, freeze. If that response couldn't complete itself (which often happens in relational and sexual traumas), it remains pending in the body. My work is to create conditions for it to complete safely.
How trauma is stored in the body and disturbs intimacy
You reference Bessel van der Kolk's book, "The Body Keeps the Score." What did it change in your practice?
This book — published in 2014 and a bestseller in France since its translation in 2018 — had an enormous legitimising effect in the French clinical world. Van der Kolk synthesised years of trauma neuroscience into accessible language: trauma is not in the event, it is in the nervous system's response to that event. And that response is written in the body — posture, breathing, muscle tone, touch reflexes.
For couple intimacy, the consequences are direct. A person with a history of relational trauma — shame, intrusion, early neglect, assault — will often reproduce learned responses in their intimate life: freezing at touch, dissociating during sex, avoiding direct gaze. These responses are not "couple problems" in the usual sense. They are intelligent adaptations of a nervous system seeking to protect itself.
Somatic exercises to practise as a couple
You give home exercises. Which ones work particularly well for couples?
Three exercises I frequently prescribe.
The "shared scan" (10 minutes): sitting face to face, each person does an internal scan of their own body (head to toe) and shares aloud, without interpretation, what they perceive. "I feel pressure in my throat. My belly is warm. My shoulders are high." The other listens without commenting. Then reverse. This exercise builds internal vocabulary and creates a space of non-interpretive reciprocity.
Co-created regulation (5 minutes): one partner is in a state of agitation (after a dispute, a difficult day). The other places a firm, warm hand between the shoulder blades — a vagal safety zone according to Porges' maps. No words. Just contact and breath. For many couples, this simple exercise is more effective than a 45-minute conversation.
Synchronised walking (20 minutes): walk side by side, without talking, progressively synchronising steps. Locomotor synchronisation activates the same circuits as co-created regulation but through a different channel — useful for partners who find static contact difficult.
Polyvagal theory explained simply
We hear a lot about the "vagus nerve" and polyvagal theory. How do you explain it to someone without clinical training?
I simplify radically, with apologies to Porges. Imagine three modes of nervous system functioning.
The social safety mode (ventral vagal nerve): you feel safe, you can connect with others, your voice is modulated, your gaze is soft, your heart beats at a calm rhythm. This is the only mode in which deep intimate connection is possible.
The mobilisation mode (sympathetic system): perceived danger, preparation to flee or fight. Fast heart, tense muscles, hypervigilance. This is the mode of argument, stress, performance under pressure.
The immobilisation mode (dorsal vagal nerve): extreme danger or overwhelm. Freeze, dissociation, "I wasn't there anymore." This is what many women describe in trauma contexts: "I detached from my body."
Somatic therapy — and slow sex to some degree — works to increase time spent in the first mode and to recognise its signals.
Slow sex and somatic therapy: natural allies
You sometimes recommend slow sex to your clients. In what situations?
When therapeutic work has advanced sufficiently for the nervous system to tolerate a slowed-down intimate experience without triggering old defensive responses. Not a strict condition — but an indication.
[Slow sex](/en/slow-sex/) and somatic therapy share a fundamental premise: presence in the body is the gateway to healing. They differ in their frame — therapy is guided by a professional, slow sex is a couple's practice — but their effects mutually reinforce each other.
For couples where one person has a trauma history, I often recommend a phase of individual somatic therapy before exploring slowed intimacy practices together. The order is not a rule but a precaution.
Practical exercises to ground before intimate moments
What would you concretely recommend to a couple wanting to prepare their nervous system before a slow sex session?
Four minutes of vagal activation are enough to measurably shift the nervous system's state.
The simplest: extended exhale. Inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 8. Repeat 6 times. The extended exhale directly activates the vagus nerve — documented in laboratory settings since Kevin Tracey's work in the 2000s.
Gentle facial touch: one partner softly places their hands on the other's cheeks for 30 seconds. Branches of the vagus nerve innervate the face — this contact activates the safety state.
Slow, low voice: hum something simple together for 2 minutes. Singing and humming activate vagal vibrations through the larynx. This is why traditional rituals across the world use song before sacred moments.
Trends in couple body therapy 2026
What's changing in your practice in 2026? What trends are you seeing emerge?
Three things stand out. First, the democratisation of somatic awareness — clients arrive with vocabulary (vagus nerve, autonomic nervous system, co-regulation) they've learned from podcasts or social media. That has advantages and disadvantages.
Second, the rise of preventive couple work. More couples arrive not in crisis but in anticipation — "we want to learn to connect better before we have a problem." That is a significant cultural shift.
Third, the articulation between general mental health and intimate wellbeing. Research on the connections between mental health, anxiety, and bodily wellbeing is now arriving in my office as better-informed patients who understand the interactions between their general psychological state and their intimate life.
True / False: misconceptions about somatic therapy and couples
- FALSE Somatic therapy is only for victims of severe trauma.
- TRUE The body stores emotional responses inaccessible through verbal work alone.
- FALSE Working on the body in therapy means massage or relaxation.
- TRUE Couples can practise simple somatic exercises at home without professional supervision.
- FALSE Somatic therapy replaces classical psychotherapy.
- TRUE Extended exhalation activates the vagus nerve and shifts nervous system state in under 2 minutes.
3 key takeaways
- The body holds the memory of experiences the mind has forgotten: somatic therapy works to complete these unresolved responses and free the nervous system.
- Co-regulation between partners is a learnable skill: simple, attentive contact can shift another person's physiological state in minutes.
- Slow sex and somatic therapy share the same premise: presence in the body is the condition for intimate connection — and that presence can be cultivated.
To deepen the dimension of mindful sexuality and the practices that strengthen mind-body connection in intimacy, the resources on tantric massage for couples and couple intimacy rituals are complementary entry points. Research on the connections between mental health and bodily wellbeing provides important context.